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I am launching my own charity. You're all invited to give: it's called "Blow Jobs for Rhinos". Now I can't guarantee
that all, if any, if your blow jobs will go to the rhinos, but, it's worth the risk.
What happens is, the more blow
jobs I get, the more money I give to the rhinos. If I'm in the mood.
I haven't really thought it's through, but,
y'know, it has the ring of a charity. So, if you care about rhinos, I think you know what to do and to who.
And I
would like to add, that, legally, it's not registered. But I am.
I have just recieved an angry email, entitled "Sort it Out" from an angry girl called Sarah (no, definately not
the same Sarah who enjoyed a thrilling trip to Paris with me)and she asked me why the great comedian Mark Lamarr does not
feature here in any way.
I wish to apologise to all of Marks fans, and to Mark himself. It was an oversight. No,
I have to be honest, it was more than that, it was a travisty.
Mark Lamarr is a God, a God who can tell jokes that
a lesser man could never think up. Born, I believe in 1967, Mark Jones, he changed his name to Lamarr and baby oiled his quiff,
so that he could make it big in showbiz.
Long time host of BBC2s "Never Mind the Buzzcocks" and one time
team captain of "Shooting Stars" he never really fulfilled his comedy potential, until 1999, when his first stand
up show was broadcast on BBC2 (It really needs repeating) and then again in 2000 with the fantastic "Lamarrs Attacks"
(which also needs repeating. There was not one episode of that programme which wasn't funny, not one gag that wasn't completely
hilarious and intelligent.
My mother says he doesn't like him because he makes fun of those less clever than him,
but for me, that is the beauty of his humour. It may seem cruel, but the thick seem to think that we with brains must lead
a terrible existence, doing Algebera for a laugh, and listening to Mozart all day, when the truth is, we think about things
too: just different things.
Mark Lamarr should be saluted and admired. He is the funniest comedian that modern times
have to offer, and I will always love him, even if he does continue to wear those stupid jumpers.
My apologies, once
again to Sarah, and all of Marks fans, who may have thought that I was not an admirer of his work.
I am a very guilty man. I feel guilt over everything: poverty, homelessness, that burnt out Fiesta on the A471, which is nothing
to do with me, I just mentioned it.
If anyone saw me driving a burnt out Fiesta, that night...Whatever night that
was, it weren't me. I've never had a Fiesta. Well, I had one. But that's just...gone.
Can we get off the subject,
now?
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